The Demonweasel Speaks

Wild and weird couple of days. It’s all kind of mashed together with the gray rainy mess that it’s been outside here for the past week. I’d like to be in a place where I don’t feel lie the weather does such a doozy, but maybe it does? Maybe it doesn’t? Who knows, but I do know that a lot of time time I’ve kind of felt like crap.

In any case, we recorded the first store podcast on Monday, and that was a lot of fun. It’s mostly about the store and comics, so if you don’t care about those things…don’t click here. I like the idea of being able to put stuff out there and talk and maybe be funny and/or do the faux arrogance thing that I seem to have stumbled upon in the past year or so. It suits me, I guess, but damn. Sometimes it’s exhausting and I just want to be exhausted.

See? I’m blaming that on the weather.

But in good news, MC Chris came to the store and played video games with us. I used twitter and the internet effectively and made some time to come out because he wanted to play Red Dead Redemption and we happened to have that. I’m not going to lie, it made me feel real good. It made me go “This is why I work 40-60 hours a week for not a lot of money: Because if you work hard consistently you can build something that’s worthwhile and then people will start taking notice and you can do something to make them happy.” And that’s why I do it. But yeah, more money would be nice.

Then today YT Cracker came by the store as well. He had both heard about Chris being there and was brought by someone who knows us, and that was cool too.

I’ve been in kind of a creative void, but maybe that’s okay. I’m kind of lost as to what to devote my energy too. My comic guys are drawing and I’m kind of just twiddling my thumbs while being ahead on scripts and trying not to cry out “I really want to get published, dammit! I’m going to be 34 this year! Most guys ‘breaking in’ right now are younger than me! I can’t wait anymore!” I don’t want to hold them accountable for the fact that I feel like I creatively wasted my 20s, that’s my issue not theirs, and we all have personal stuff that we have to do (like jobs, since I can’t afford to anything but share credit and money on the backend) but I just want to get stuff out there and see if I’ve been deluding myself about what I have to offer.

We’ll see. Maybe I should refocus on prose, but I’m scared of my prose writing lately. I see stories I’ve written and throw up in my mouth a little. I know that’s natural and I should just grow a pair, but damn…I feel like I’ve completely readjusted to comic scripts, which kind of makes me ill. Not because one is better than the other, but there are stories that I want to tell that I feel are “prose stories” and I feel like if I give up on prose they will just go away. Plus with prose I rise and fall on my own productivity.

It’s all such a bother. I feel like I’m just screaming in the wilderness like a creative Omega Man, but who knows? All the greats have been there, right? I just need to keep working, right?

Well, there was never any doubt of that, right?