You’d think at this point my heart would be used to this. Of course, it is, so it’s more like “Oh, what, *this* again?” as opposed to me being sprawled out and broken on the floor. Because I’m not broken, per se. I’m just…well, that’s just it, “I’m just…” and I don’t know what to do with myself. But it’s best not dragging other people into my psychosis until I have a handle on my shit.

It’s not horrible, it’s not life altering it’s just…

Exactly.

I’m not going to talk about the writing I haven’t been doing, because there’s a lot of it. I was thinking about my mental body of work (the stories I want to tell but aren’t on paper, you know, the dozen novels, couple of graphic novels, three or four comic series, ideas for company-owned superhero work) last night and it depressed me. Did I get up and start writing. No, I watched “The Venture Brothers” for the first time, watched an episode of “Futurama” I hadn’t seen before (gasp!) and then went to bed. Because I suck.

I’m reading an absolutely horrible book right now. It’ *painfully* bad. The kind where you read it and go “Wow, how did this person get published? Who did they have hostage in thier basement?” It’s called “The Devil’s Auction.” Granted, that’s a hysterical title, but really. From the jacket copy:

GOING…
to the centuries-old auction was the dream of every witch and warlock. They knew the prize offered for bidding would give them power beyond belief. And they would do anything for a chance to win the prize.

GOING…
to the auction was not Valerie Lancaster’s idea. She had heard the rumors that said only the winner returned alive and wanted no part of it. But when her father was murdered for his invitation, she knew she had to go in order to find out who had slain him-and keep from being killed herself.

GONE!
Accompanied by her father’s friend Alex Warner, Valerie confronted werewolves, golems, and the most powerful sorcerers in the world. But when the appointed hour arrived, they found they had survived only to face the greatest danger of all–

THE DEVIL’S AUCTION!

End quote.

Because seriously, why would the devil need to have an auction? Is Mrs. Devil all like “You need to clean up this garage! How many tormented souls and books of vile darkness do you need to have in here…don’t you roll your eyes at me Mr “I think I’m so cool I can take over heaven, whoops, I got cast out by the almighty and now just fill up my garage with junk.” That’s right, I’m talking to you!”

I’ve been eating a lot of plums lately. I don’t know what that means. Well, more fruit in general. I haven’t had a candy bar or sweet snack since…okay, yesterday I had a giant cinnamon roll for lunch, but that was comfort food. I haven’t had a soda in weeks and I’m all…healthy. My god, I even had a salad the other day. *shudder* I feel so lame becoming this person that eats right and goes to the gym (*coughhaventgoneinthreeweekscough*) and is all wannabe healthy. I hate even admitting that I go to the gym. It’s such a stupid thing to do.

But then again, I have issues. Clearly.

Getting better, I think, I remain…