The Demonweasel Speaks

That’s what I was asking the cops in San Andreas earlier today. Apparently that violates some kind of statute or ordinance I’m not aware. As if getting around in this country isn’t hard enough now, they shoot at you for wearing a jet pack.

I don’t pay much attention to the news, so I was surprised when my boss told me that the whole “terrorists were trying to blow up planes with liquids” thing was a big deal. I read so many news headlines I saw that story and was like “Oh, good, they caught some terrorists.” I didn’t translate that into new speak, which I guess is “OH MY GOD, THEY CAUGHT TERRORISTS! EVERYONE LAY FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND WITH THIER HANDS LACED BEHIND THIER HEAD AND PREPARE TO BE SEARCHED! THROW OUT ALL LIQUIDS FOR FOREVER!!!” I don’t fly often, but what the shit, y’know? As many people said on Fark forums, we’re just creating better targets *in* the airports as opposed to the planes. Long lines of people waiting to go through security = perfect place for bombs to be going off. I mean, just think about the damage to the infrastructure if, say, a dozen major airports were attacked with bombs? Chaos.

It’s amazing the people who just refuse to see the “we’re creating more terrorists” argument. If someone’s home or livelihood is destroyed because we’re retaliating for some terrorist attack they didn’t have anything to do with, don’t you think they’re going to go “Hey, fuck america” instead of just rolling over and taking it? It also fills my heart with joy to see the “oh, and they say islam is a religion of peace? Bullshit! Look at the terrorists!” people. Yes, because no one has ever done anything awful in the name of Christianity. We’ve all got our angry little cousins that ruin it for everyone else.

I watched the unrated “Hostel” this morning and, holy shit, what the fuck is up with that movie? It made The Hills Have Eyes Look like a Boy Scout Jamboree film. I really liked Cabin Fever, mainly because it was funny in addition to being mind-numbingly gross. It, like Hostel, had that great horror movie trope of having the protagonists be dicks, so that you weren’t all that sorry when bad shit happened to them. With Hostel that wasn’t as prevalent, but in the beginning, when the American tourists are in Amsterdam, smoking pot and banging hookers all over the place surrounded by other American tourists, I found it amusing that at one point someone goes “Dude, are there any Dutch people in Amsterdam?” Yes, we as Americans are all frat boys and psychotically rude to “foreigners,” especially when we’re in their country. This doesn’t necessarily mean we should be drugged, kidnapped and sold to some factory where businessmen pay money to kill you with a chainsaw. In Cabin Fever, about ten minutes in I was going “oh wow, I can’t wait to see these douchebags get killed.” In Hostel, not so much. It was more like “Jesus, is this a snuff film?”

What a delightful balancing act we have. Yes, Americans are spoiled, lazy, ignorant and selfish. However, this doesn’t mean we should be blown up in mid-air, because we’re not all like that. Maybe if we traded all our celebrities, or just Paris Hilton, to the terrorists and promised to have better role models we’d be able to reach some kind of accord. Or lure them out just in time to kill them with a chainsaw.

Grrrrrrr, I’m political! Grrrrrrrrr!

In less ridiculously awful news, I’ve been messing around with the site after trying to figure out Kenzie’s little toy on her myspace that shows people her last few LJ entries. Last week that led me on an Odyssey of magnificent technological proportions, which ended with me getting a Feedburner account for the site to make it easier for people to read this on RSS feeds and setting up a Google reader RSS reader account to collect all the blogs and news that I read into one spot so I can spend less time running around everywhere and trying to remember everyone I want to keep up with. Now it’s all in one spot. In fact, there’s even a little thing on the sidebar there, under “Subscribe” where you can add you email address and get notified when this is updated. My god, the technological genies are working overtime.

To recap:
- Air travel is now bullshit
- Terrorists will always find new ways to kill us, and are dicks
- Americans should lighten the fuck up, dummy
- Hostel is a snuff film, don’t watch it while eating breakfast
- I spent way too much time on the internet to spend less time on the internet, and now I have nowhere left to go on the internet.
- Don’t let the cops catch you with a jet pack in San Andreas.