Archive for October, 2004

9 items.

Watching you two show affection is like watching two lobsters in a kung-fu movie.

October 12th, 2004 | by Thacher Cleveland
Posted In: General

So street fair came and went with not much of a whimper or a bang. It’s actually much more enjoyable when you’re just in a store and not trying to walk around crazy Midwesterners. I actually got to partake of some of the good food they have in trucks. Polish sausage and turkey chili in a bread bowl. Mmmmm, bread bowl.

I’d pop a cap in someone’s ass for a bread bowl.

Had one of those days today. Those “Oh my god, why am I wasting my life and being such a giant screw up looser about everything” days. I hate those days. There’s not much I can do but try to be productive and be a better person. Be more attentive to the things that are around me and the goals I’ve set for myself.

1) Be a good, productive writer.
2) Be a good father.
3) Be a good bookstore manager
4) Be a happy person.

I’m sure there’s all kinds of things you can read into the ordering of that list, but that’s how it is. Notice how “winning lots of Madden 2004 football games” or “watching a lot of Farscape reruns” isn’t on that list? And what have I done the past few days?

That’s what I thought.

I did, however, find William Shatner’s cover of “Common People” from his new album “Has Been.” That definitely makes me happy. I got to finally talk to Kenzie on the phone the other night, and that makes me happy. I actually did a smidgeon of writing today and tonight, and that’s something.

I want this book edited by the end of the month (I almost typed August, and it made me snicker because at the rate I’m going that’s not even an attainable goal). I need to figure out something that will get me going. And then I think about sentences like that and I wonder why I even need something to “get me going.” Why should I pine for some sort of external force to get me rip roarin’ and ready to go? Why can’t I just be able to do it on my own? Why can’t I just go psycho on the stuff I want to write and throw everything else in the closet?

Oh woe is me. Pity is me. My life is so hard.

Quadruple vomit.

I hate this part, where something happens and I get depressed and manic about what I haven’t done and I vow, I swear to the sky like Kirk calling out Khan that this time will be different, that this time, by the very blood from the eyes of the Gods themselves, I will do it. I will change my ways. A line must be drawn, this far and no farther.

I’m almost doing it this time. I swear. I tell myself that I’m changing myself right now. That every day I’ve decided to be a little different, live with a little less fear and just be…crazy. Just respond with honesty, and not to try to make everyone happy, or make everyone like me. Those are unrealistic goals, and sometimes I think they’re killing me. How many times do I tell a story or relate some incident and I say “I wish I could have said…” or “I wanted to say…” Too often.

It’s like I just want to let go. Let it all go and then I’ll be able to get what I want. I’ll be able to take what I want from the world. When I stop worrying about every little thing and relax and breathe and just be, then I’ll be happy.

Even if nothing ultimately works out, I’ll be happy. Because at least I tried.

Trying, I remain…

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These are not moves, they are the slow motion trainwreck called my life.

October 7th, 2004 | by Thacher Cleveland
Posted In: General

Writing is hard. I know, shocking revelation, but here it is, staring me in the face.

I think Iíve cracked a little nugget of ìKid Lucifer.î Could this be something? Who knows. Itís funny, the stories that call out to you to be written. Sometimes itís great and meaningful literature. Other times itís a dark magical comedy about a half-demon college freshman and his pet demon weasel (look left. Yes, Iím putting that thing to good use) named Bacon.

Because everyone loves Bacon.

Who can tell me where this line comes from: The world is going to end, or people are discussing the end of the world, and someone says something along the lines of ìThe world canít end, thatís where I keep all my stuff.î Anyone? Two people have told me they have heard that before, so Iím clearly subconsciously plagiarizing, and that pisses me off. Now, I just want to know where it came from.

I was watching tonightís episode of ìRescue Me,î and at the end I almost cried like a little baby. Not because of anything that happened, but because next week is the season finale. I knew, intellectually, that it had to take some kind of break at some point, but this just makes me sad. What ever happened to 22 episodes a season? What a nation of slackers weíve become.

Dennis Lehane, author of ìMystic River,î wrote the teleplay for the most recent episode of ìThe Wire,î the HBO cop drama. This season looks to be the first one that will actually hold my interest, which is good. Naturally, this last episode was the best one Iíve seen. Because Iím a sucker for Lehane.

Finished reading ìThe Dark Tower.î Holy crap. I say again: Holy Crap. As I got to the last third of the book I was reading it in massive three-hour stretches, not able to put it down at all because I knew that the end, the end of this seven book, almost 40 year long odyssey was coming to an end. Funnily enough, as I got to the last fifty pages or so, the Vice Presidential debate came on, and I wanted to watch it, but I also wanted to finish the damn book, so I started doing both and it was a little surreal.

Say what you will about Chaney, I say we have to give him massive respect for not picking up a monocle, top hat and umbrella and start going ìWaughh, waughh, waughh.î


See? Creepy.

Iím not going to go more into the whole debate thing. I try to put myself in the mind of an undecided voter, and then I realize that I can only do that if I whap myself in the forehead with a hammer six or seven times, because only then would I be brain damaged enough to not have an opinion about who to vote for. Or even still I find myself trying to explain what ìthe Global Testî means to a complete idiot, or worse, Republicans. Hereís a fucking hint: when Germany invaded Poland, they didnít pass the Global Test.

Other than that, things are going swimmingly, but without the water.

ìI got a letter from my ex-girlfriend this morning three months too late explaining why she dumped me. Itís full of ìyouíll always be specialî and ìIíll always love youî platitudes designed to make me feel better while simultaneously appeasing her deep-seeded sense of guilt for running off with a slimy little city boy called Duane and destroying my faith in everything which is good an pure.î
- Tim, from ìSpacedî (brilliant UK dork comedy on Trio)

Realizing sometimes TV says it best, I remainÖ

P.S.

BACON!

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