The Demonweasel Speaks

I’m so glad they keep making fun of the Ashlee Simpson thing on Saturday Night Live. It cracks me up.

There’s a Trivial Pursuit DVD SNL edition. I would totally rule that. I would rock it, as if I were some sort of hurricane.

For those of you keeping track at home, yes, we have surpassed last monthís hits. Can we break 300 in November? Maybe. :)

I got calls from Sarah Jessica Parker and General Wesley Clark urging me to vote Democrat this Tuesday. I’m glad celebrities and ex-candidates care how I vote. It’s important, really.

I watched “Gothika” on HBO tonight and man, what an ass-fest of a movie. I haven’t been this disappointed since watching “Wrong Turn,” being told there was nudity in it, and then being denied Eliza Dushku breasts. That’s just *wrong,* although the whole movie was pretty fucking stupid regardless. And speaking of Eliza, I just heard that “Tru Calling” is being cancelled before they even show the second season. Ahhh yes, the geniuses at Fox. Gotta love ‘em. The sad thing was this news came the day after I checked the Fox website to make sure that the show wasn’t cancelled and to find out when the premiere is. That and “24.” Both were scheduled for January (although I’m sure “24″ will still be going on).

I’m blaming a lot of weird shit on the lunar eclipse. We’ve had all kinds of weird shit happening at work the past couple of days, and then today I spent the last half hour at work feeling like I was going to throw up. I have to move fixtures there tomorrow to prepare for the phone line being fixed, which means I’m going in late and probably staying later. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

OOooh, Matrix Reloaded is on. Monica Bellucci…hotnessssssssss…

Talk to the devil hand, I remain…

It’s been gorgeous the past couple of days, which is nice, but c’mon, it’s October, maybe 68 degree weather isn’t cool. I love when my heat clicks on in the morning, and then it’s almost 70 that day.

I got an interesting, if not potentially untrue, piece of political news yesterday. The boss of my friend Eric knows someone who works in the Bush campaign, and they are apparently conceding Ohio. It’s been, apparently, 19 days since W has been in Ohio, and they are instead going to focus on other swing states. Of course, this is the same guy who said the Broncos were going to pull a Kansas City on the Bengals on Monday Night Football (meaning, to the non-sports nerds, that Kansas City had 8 rushing touchdowns [which is or ties an NFL record, so yes, it's a lot] in Sundays game against…whoever they played, and since Denver is such a good running team, and Cincy has the worst run defense in the league, he expected them do likewise. Cincinnati won that game 23-10, so Eric was wrong. I plan on making fun of him today. A lot.).

But to sum up, Bush is pulling out of Ohio like a nervous kid on prom night.

Did I write this whole post just to make that joke? Maybe.

I watched a little wrestling last night, which I have been following in the most half-assed manner possible. It sucks, and I’m unhappy. I guess can just remember the good old days watching it with Joe and Bobby and getting drunk and yelling at the TV, and the fun pay-per-veiw events where I’d get up and yell things like “If that guy taps out I’m throwing myself out the window.”

Good times, man, good times.

“Lullaby” is really good. It’s the first Palahniuk I’ve read (but yes, I’ve seen Fight Club. Every one’s seen Fight Club. Well, maybe not my parents. Mom, Dad, rent Fight Club.)

I haven’t been to the gym in for-fucking-ever. Nor have I worked out at home, which I can do, owning weights and everything. It’s not a big deal, it just makes me feel like such a schlub, and I know, intellectually, that I have more energy and feel better when I’m working out than when I’m not, so you’d think I’d be all over that, but no. I’m as far away from that as possible. I’d draw a diagram to show where I am in relation to that, but I don’t have the energy. See? Not enough energy.

Since I’m a big nerd, I like the idea that the hits to my webpage get bigger and bigger every month (well, since July. July we saw a dip, but every month after that it’s gone up). September we had a 250 something, and I think we’re on par to beat that, as we’re at about 210 right now. Granted, some people come here five times a day, which is just weird, but maybe they think I’ll give them a shout out or something.

Not happening.

Did I write this whole post just to drive up web traffic? Maybe.

I’m so lame that I had a dream last Wednesday about trying to find out who the killer in “Identity Crisis” is. You’re not a nerd? Let me explain: it’s a miniseries in the DC Universe (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, I mean, not Spider-Man and the X-Men) where someone has apparently found out the identities of various superheroes and has started attacking their families. Granted, we’ve only seen minor characters catching the axe, but it apparently it ties into some shady dealings some of the mid-level Justice Leaguers participated in years ago. Like, Dr. Light, pure B-Level villain, apparently snuck into the JL’s headquarters and found the Elongated Man’s wife, Sue, there all alone, and he attacks and rapes her. Green Arrow, Green Lantern, Hawkman, Flash, Zatana Black Canary, and the aforementioned Elongated Man come back to catch him in the act and proceed to whoop the ever-living shit out of him. And then, to make sure it doesn’t happen again, they magically lobotomize him, making sure that a) he forgets and b) doesn’t do that sort of thing again. And apparently, that wasn’t the last time they took care of things in that way.

But anyway, in my most recent issue, Robin’s dad (of Batman and Robin, and no, Batman is not his Dad) caught a razor-edged boomerang in the chest. The buzz surrounding Identity Crisis is huge, and internet speculation is rampant about who the killer is. A co-worker and I think it’s former Justice League teen sidekick “Snapper” Carr, who we postulate has lost his mind and is working out some emotional issues.

Did I write this whole post just to put my Identity Crisis prediction on the net before it’s revealed, so I can say “Look, I thought it was a Snapper Carr back in October”? Maybe.

Really, the answer is that I’m bored as shit and putting off running errands.

Anti-Climax, I remain…

Continuing research in irony. Irony is Slipknot (the jackass metal band that wears “scary” masks and call themselves by numbers) saying that what they do proves that there’s no room for bullshit in the music industry.

Yeah, irony.

This was on Uranium, the metal show hosted by Juliya, who is fucking uber-hot. I don’t normally go for metal chicks, but damn. Better still, day-um.

So the conclusion to Farscape was great. It was sad, excting, breathtaking and uplifting ALL IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES! No, not really. That all was spread out over the course of two hours. Just great, great storytelling. There’s not much else you can say about it.

I also watched both “Kill Bills” today. The first one from when I taped it off Starz a couple of days ago and the second on PPV for the first time. It was neat. I still contend that I would have sat through the whole thing in one sitting (with an intermission), but I don’t feel as ripped off since I only payed $3 for it on PPV and I saw the first one in the theater.

Did more work today. Work work work. I’m becoming a workaholic. It’s fun.

I think my car is dead. I’ve been trying to revive it from its slumber, but it’s not cooperating. However, I may get loaned a new one, so maybe, one day, in the distant future, I’ll be mobile again. Driving around, being all cool, going “Whooo hooo, lookit me, I’m driving.” It’ll be a blast.

And hey, here’s something that’s weird: During Farscape, they were showing ads for “Battlestar Gallactica,” and they have little things that each of the main characters say…and I’ll be damned if one of them doesn’t look and sound like Jessica Simpson. I mean, you wouldn’t put Jessica Simpson in Battlestar Gallactica, would you? What sane person would do that? I mean, I’m wrong here, right?

And every time that Geico commercial comes on that’s about a fake reality show called “Tiny House” I get all confused, because I always think that’s a real show, because my expectations are so low when it comes to reality TV show idiocy. So every time it comes on, I’m like “Goddamn them, making a show about people living in a tiny house…oh wait, it’s not real.” And then I feel silly.

Silly, silly snake charmer, I remain…

Best Joke I’ve Heard in a While:

A man and a boy are walking through the woods at night, and as they get further and further into the woods, the boy starts hugging up on the guy’s leg. Finally, the man goes “Kid, what’s the problem?”

“I’m scared,” the little boy says.

“You’re scared? How do you think I feel, I have to walk out of here by myself.”

Having the goods, I remain…

PS: Speaking of comedy, the title of this post is quite possibly the worst line I’ve ever written in my entire life. And that includes the story I wrote about G.I.Joe when I was in the 1st grade.