The Demonweasel Speaks

I’m so glad they keep making fun of the Ashlee Simpson thing on Saturday Night Live. It cracks me up.

There’s a Trivial Pursuit DVD SNL edition. I would totally rule that. I would rock it, as if I were some sort of hurricane.

For those of you keeping track at home, yes, we have surpassed last monthís hits. Can we break 300 in November? Maybe. :)

I got calls from Sarah Jessica Parker and General Wesley Clark urging me to vote Democrat this Tuesday. I’m glad celebrities and ex-candidates care how I vote. It’s important, really.

I watched “Gothika” on HBO tonight and man, what an ass-fest of a movie. I haven’t been this disappointed since watching “Wrong Turn,” being told there was nudity in it, and then being denied Eliza Dushku breasts. That’s just *wrong,* although the whole movie was pretty fucking stupid regardless. And speaking of Eliza, I just heard that “Tru Calling” is being cancelled before they even show the second season. Ahhh yes, the geniuses at Fox. Gotta love ‘em. The sad thing was this news came the day after I checked the Fox website to make sure that the show wasn’t cancelled and to find out when the premiere is. That and “24.” Both were scheduled for January (although I’m sure “24″ will still be going on).

I’m blaming a lot of weird shit on the lunar eclipse. We’ve had all kinds of weird shit happening at work the past couple of days, and then today I spent the last half hour at work feeling like I was going to throw up. I have to move fixtures there tomorrow to prepare for the phone line being fixed, which means I’m going in late and probably staying later. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

OOooh, Matrix Reloaded is on. Monica Bellucci…hotnessssssssss…

Talk to the devil hand, I remain…

So I saw a kid come into the store today who was wearing a t-shirt done up like the Spongebob Squarepants logo, but instead it said “God’s Love: Soak it up!” What the fuck is that about?

So I actually watched the baseball game last night. I tuned in during the 4th inning, and when I saw Boston was ahead, I figured what the hell, I’ll either watch a meltdown or history. Turns out it was history. You’re welcome, Boston. Apparently, me watching baseball reverses the curse. Who knew? Of course, maybe it was just because I was atrociously bored last night. Like, criminally bored.

Although “Smallville” was really good, because it was a body switching episode. Body switching, you just can’t beat that. Clark changes places with Lionel Luthor, and Lionel does a great job of being incredibly evil in Clark’s body (not to mention finding out about his powers). I found myself doing a “he’s so evil” dance many a time over the course of the hour.

Of course, maybe it was a “I’m such a dork” dance.

Speaking of, I got my copy of “XXX: 30 Porn Star Portraits” today. Fascinating stuff, including a bunch of essays about porn and such by people like Gore Vidal and John Waters. I haven’t had a chance to give it more than the cursory glance, but it looks like it’s a lot of fun.

I’m feeling a little unfulfilled right now. Why is that? I feel like I need to find something to sink my teeth into. Of course, I’ve got writing stuff bubbling up on me right now, and it’s begging me to take a big bite out of it. I need to learn to go with my instincts more. Sure, most of the time they steer me wrong, but maybe they’re there for a reason.

Absorbent, yellow, porous, and full of Christ’s love, I remain…

P.S. www.imhavingamonkeybaby.com

It’s been gorgeous the past couple of days, which is nice, but c’mon, it’s October, maybe 68 degree weather isn’t cool. I love when my heat clicks on in the morning, and then it’s almost 70 that day.

I got an interesting, if not potentially untrue, piece of political news yesterday. The boss of my friend Eric knows someone who works in the Bush campaign, and they are apparently conceding Ohio. It’s been, apparently, 19 days since W has been in Ohio, and they are instead going to focus on other swing states. Of course, this is the same guy who said the Broncos were going to pull a Kansas City on the Bengals on Monday Night Football (meaning, to the non-sports nerds, that Kansas City had 8 rushing touchdowns [which is or ties an NFL record, so yes, it's a lot] in Sundays game against…whoever they played, and since Denver is such a good running team, and Cincy has the worst run defense in the league, he expected them do likewise. Cincinnati won that game 23-10, so Eric was wrong. I plan on making fun of him today. A lot.).

But to sum up, Bush is pulling out of Ohio like a nervous kid on prom night.

Did I write this whole post just to make that joke? Maybe.

I watched a little wrestling last night, which I have been following in the most half-assed manner possible. It sucks, and I’m unhappy. I guess can just remember the good old days watching it with Joe and Bobby and getting drunk and yelling at the TV, and the fun pay-per-veiw events where I’d get up and yell things like “If that guy taps out I’m throwing myself out the window.”

Good times, man, good times.

“Lullaby” is really good. It’s the first Palahniuk I’ve read (but yes, I’ve seen Fight Club. Every one’s seen Fight Club. Well, maybe not my parents. Mom, Dad, rent Fight Club.)

I haven’t been to the gym in for-fucking-ever. Nor have I worked out at home, which I can do, owning weights and everything. It’s not a big deal, it just makes me feel like such a schlub, and I know, intellectually, that I have more energy and feel better when I’m working out than when I’m not, so you’d think I’d be all over that, but no. I’m as far away from that as possible. I’d draw a diagram to show where I am in relation to that, but I don’t have the energy. See? Not enough energy.

Since I’m a big nerd, I like the idea that the hits to my webpage get bigger and bigger every month (well, since July. July we saw a dip, but every month after that it’s gone up). September we had a 250 something, and I think we’re on par to beat that, as we’re at about 210 right now. Granted, some people come here five times a day, which is just weird, but maybe they think I’ll give them a shout out or something.

Not happening.

Did I write this whole post just to drive up web traffic? Maybe.

I’m so lame that I had a dream last Wednesday about trying to find out who the killer in “Identity Crisis” is. You’re not a nerd? Let me explain: it’s a miniseries in the DC Universe (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, I mean, not Spider-Man and the X-Men) where someone has apparently found out the identities of various superheroes and has started attacking their families. Granted, we’ve only seen minor characters catching the axe, but it apparently it ties into some shady dealings some of the mid-level Justice Leaguers participated in years ago. Like, Dr. Light, pure B-Level villain, apparently snuck into the JL’s headquarters and found the Elongated Man’s wife, Sue, there all alone, and he attacks and rapes her. Green Arrow, Green Lantern, Hawkman, Flash, Zatana Black Canary, and the aforementioned Elongated Man come back to catch him in the act and proceed to whoop the ever-living shit out of him. And then, to make sure it doesn’t happen again, they magically lobotomize him, making sure that a) he forgets and b) doesn’t do that sort of thing again. And apparently, that wasn’t the last time they took care of things in that way.

But anyway, in my most recent issue, Robin’s dad (of Batman and Robin, and no, Batman is not his Dad) caught a razor-edged boomerang in the chest. The buzz surrounding Identity Crisis is huge, and internet speculation is rampant about who the killer is. A co-worker and I think it’s former Justice League teen sidekick “Snapper” Carr, who we postulate has lost his mind and is working out some emotional issues.

Did I write this whole post just to put my Identity Crisis prediction on the net before it’s revealed, so I can say “Look, I thought it was a Snapper Carr back in October”? Maybe.

Really, the answer is that I’m bored as shit and putting off running errands.

Anti-Climax, I remain…

So I did that thing the other day where I sent an email that was just supposed to go to one person to everyone on my email list. Thankfully it was just an email to my parents about Thanksgiving plans and my daughter’s shoe size (and no Mike, you don’t get to know it, you sick freak. ;) ). I was vastly amused that of all the people who responded with a “Wha, huh, was I supposed to get this?” I didn’t get a response from my parents.

And I thought *I* was the one who was bad at keeping in touch over email.

“The Venture Brothers” keeps getting more and more fun. Granted, I can see how it only could have an appeal to those who have a fondness for adventure cartoons of days past (Johnny Quest, specifically), it has some amazingly brilliant yet horrifying things that you thought you’d never see on a cartoon. Not only that, Patrick Warburton (“Puddy” from Seinfeld) is proving that he’s one of the best voice-over talents in the business (he’s the voice of Brock Sampson on VB).

I was torn between watching South Park and SNL Saturday night, as they were doing a countdown of the best SP episodes of all time, and I wanted to see where “Scot Tenorman Must Die” came in. Sadly, it was only 7th or something, but as I was flipping back and forth, I saw the Ashlee Simpson lip-syching debacle unfold, which was a delicious moment of schadenfreude.

Mmmmm, schadenfreude…

There were Bush Supporters “protesting” in my town yesterday. Yes, this is America, and yes, you can’t just run people over with a bulldozer if you don’t agree with them (or they’re idiots), but still…protesting for Bush? That’s ass. But I was good (not just because I’m all bark and no bite), but earlier in the day I saw a kid with an “Insane Clown Posse for President” sweatshirt and I didn’t beat him to death with a brick.

And they say I have no self-control.

Isn’t it amazing when you’re going along doing something and then something completely different pops into your head? As I was writing this, I just realized something about the payroll stuff at work that I should’ve done but had forgotten, so I had to get off-line call work to check on it, and the correct it.

Maybe I am a workaholic…

I have been doing more editing recently, which is good. It’s coming along, which is important. Granted, maybe it just feels like good forward motion (mmmm, good forward motion), but it’s something. Better than nothing.

Oh, and how the fuck do the Giants loose to the Lions? That’s ass. And, while we’re talking sports, congrats to Nick’s Red Sox. Who knew? Granted, no team whose city has ever hosted the Democratic National Convention has won the World Series that year…but still, what a comeback! I posted that little factoid over in Peter David’s weblog when he was writing about the series, but I forgot the whole “that year” part, and of course there were people hopping all over it.

And that’s why the internet blows. It makes selfish assholes of us all.

So says the guy with the egocentric weblog who crushes the skulls of ICP fans with bricks.

MechaShiva, MechaShiva, MechaShiva, I remain…

P.S. Go to the Ashlee Simpson website forums…this is comedy gold, people…

Continuing research in irony. Irony is Slipknot (the jackass metal band that wears “scary” masks and call themselves by numbers) saying that what they do proves that there’s no room for bullshit in the music industry.

Yeah, irony.

This was on Uranium, the metal show hosted by Juliya, who is fucking uber-hot. I don’t normally go for metal chicks, but damn. Better still, day-um.

So the conclusion to Farscape was great. It was sad, excting, breathtaking and uplifting ALL IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES! No, not really. That all was spread out over the course of two hours. Just great, great storytelling. There’s not much else you can say about it.

I also watched both “Kill Bills” today. The first one from when I taped it off Starz a couple of days ago and the second on PPV for the first time. It was neat. I still contend that I would have sat through the whole thing in one sitting (with an intermission), but I don’t feel as ripped off since I only payed $3 for it on PPV and I saw the first one in the theater.

Did more work today. Work work work. I’m becoming a workaholic. It’s fun.

I think my car is dead. I’ve been trying to revive it from its slumber, but it’s not cooperating. However, I may get loaned a new one, so maybe, one day, in the distant future, I’ll be mobile again. Driving around, being all cool, going “Whooo hooo, lookit me, I’m driving.” It’ll be a blast.

And hey, here’s something that’s weird: During Farscape, they were showing ads for “Battlestar Gallactica,” and they have little things that each of the main characters say…and I’ll be damned if one of them doesn’t look and sound like Jessica Simpson. I mean, you wouldn’t put Jessica Simpson in Battlestar Gallactica, would you? What sane person would do that? I mean, I’m wrong here, right?

And every time that Geico commercial comes on that’s about a fake reality show called “Tiny House” I get all confused, because I always think that’s a real show, because my expectations are so low when it comes to reality TV show idiocy. So every time it comes on, I’m like “Goddamn them, making a show about people living in a tiny house…oh wait, it’s not real.” And then I feel silly.

Silly, silly snake charmer, I remain…

Eww, they have twinkies that have green filling in them to promote Shrek 2 on DVD? Thatís gross. Then again, I have issues with food being the colors itís not supposed to be, or being used for what itís not intended for.

Which is for eating, not fooling around.

Speaking of, Iíve been doing a little less of that (fooling around, not eating), and doing more work. Itís good, and I feel like I can see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Of course, itís not all work, as they had a free preview of all the premium movie channels on DirecTV, so I was able to find some fun stuff to watch and tape. Like Freddy vs. Jason, Kill Bill and some other stuff, like totally ridiculous Skinimax porn, like ìLord of the G-Strings.î Funny, funny stuff. Throbbits. *snicker*

Most fun was the first part of the Farscape miniseries. Oh man, further proof that Farscape is one of the greatest sci-fi shows ever. Ev-ar. Granted, it already feels like itís a whole season crammed into 4-hours, itís still the culmination of some great stories. Hopefully, the ending isnít going to be too sad, or else I might end up bawling. I mean, címon Aeryn and John are a great, grand romance and everyone else are such great, dynamic characters. Iíve missed them, and Iím going to miss them again.

Speaking of pussying out, I had to break down and turn out my heat today. Someone told me itís supposed to be 70 something by Friday, but dammit, Autumn has come like a quick drop-kick to the crotch. In a bad way. Slippers, extra blankets, getting my air conditioner all covered up. Clearly, itís hibernatiní time.

Also, I do have to say Iím pleasantly surprised about how well Kurt Warner is QBíing the Giants. Granted, Tiki is running the ball incredibly well, and the offensive line is working wonders (finally!), but if he keeps doing what heís doing, Iím going to take back some of the things Iíve said about him.

Here, take this twinkie. YouÖyouíve earned it.

Squiggly line, squiggly line, squiggly line, I remainÖ

Best Joke I’ve Heard in a While:

A man and a boy are walking through the woods at night, and as they get further and further into the woods, the boy starts hugging up on the guy’s leg. Finally, the man goes “Kid, what’s the problem?”

“I’m scared,” the little boy says.

“You’re scared? How do you think I feel, I have to walk out of here by myself.”

Having the goods, I remain…

PS: Speaking of comedy, the title of this post is quite possibly the worst line I’ve ever written in my entire life. And that includes the story I wrote about G.I.Joe when I was in the 1st grade.